Posts Tagged ‘success’

There are times when you want other people to act or think a certain way – namely, the way you think and act. There’s an art to persuasion that begins with a few simple rules. The first comes from Benjamin Franklin: “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” This would seem like a basic truth, but it gets ignored all the time. Think back on the times when someone persuaded you to go along with something that you didn’t really believe in. Years can pass, and still you will be skeptical or resentful about being persuaded against your will.

There is really only one secret to changing other people’s minds, but it’s a big one: Follow practical psychology. If you heed this advice, you will get better at persuading and influencing people over the years. On the other hand, if you ignore or sidestep psychology, you will find yourself with less and less influence as time passes. Here are five ways to put practical psychology to work that you may have overlooked or not known about. Each way comes with a tactic you definitely shouldn’t try, since it’s proven not to work.

1. Be sincere and truthful. Don’t be manipulative.

2. Appeal to what someone else already believes. Don’t impose your own belief system.

3. Be aware of the other person’s blind spots. Don’t assume they are open-minded.

4. In general, persuade through reason, not emotion. Don’t assume that emotions aren’t in play, however.

5. Make the other person feel right. Don’t make them feel wrong.

These are all effective ways to change someone else’s mind, but the tricky part is that if any one of them goes wrong, the others won’t be of much use. If you’re a woman applying for a job and the interviewer is dead set on hiring a man, nothing else will matter – blind spots, prejudice, and ingrained biases are among the hardest things to overcome. On the other hand, a really skillful use of practical psychology might get you the job, especially if you can make him feel right about his decision.

Let’s consider each of the five points a bit further.

1. Be sincere and truthful. Don’t be manipulative.

You can’t sell other people on something you don’t actually believe in. That’s why infomercials on late-night television do everything they can to persuade you of their honesty. Testimonials, authority figures, before and after photos, and research data are called upon to make the viewer believe that they aren’t simply watching a commercial, even though they are. We shut out commercials instinctively because we know from experience that they are manipulative and insincere. We also put up our guard when a salesman says, “I really believe in this product.” The upshot is that you shouldn’t try to be a master manipulator. It only works on weak-willed people, and in the end they are fickle allies. Rely on your listener’s natural ability to detect sincerity.

2. Appeal to what someone else already believes. Don’t impose your own belief system.

People identify with their beliefs. If you’ve ever slammed the door when someone tries to offer you a religious pamphlet, or had the door slammed in your face when you went canvassing for a political party, the truth of this point will be obvious. In a different world beliefs would be flexible and open to change, but that world isn’t at hand. So you need to know what someone else really, truly believes. With that knowledge at hand, you can align yourself with their beliefs. Without that knowledge, you are throwing darts at a brick wall. If you try instead to impose your own beliefs, the other person will feel that you are making him wrong, and immediate shutdown follows.

3. Be aware of the other person’s blind spots. Don’t assume they are open-minded.

A blind spot is a fixed opinion that is so strong, the person shuts out any input to the contrary. It’s the supreme example of rigid thinking. If you are self-aware, you know that you have your own blind spots – there are certain things you simply can’t stand or that bring out your most stubborn reactions. There are also positive blind spots, as when a mother feels that her beloved child can do no wrong. No one announces their blind spots, so you have to feel them out. Is the other person balking, contradicting you, trying to change the subject, crossing his arms over his chest? Look for sure signs of resistance, and you will generally be hitting close to another person’s blind spots. It seems discouraging that almost no one has an open mind, but it’s a fact of practical psychology that must be considered. Your task is to avoid sensitive topics and to appeal to the part of your listener that wants to agree with you.

4. In general, persuade through reason, not emotion. Don’t assume that emotions aren’t in play, however.

One of the most confusing aspects of persuasion has to do with being reasonable. Everyone thinks they are, and decision-making is supposed to be rational. Yet psychological research has shown time and again that emotions cannot be separated from the choices we make. Therefore, should you appeal to someone else’s emotions? Unless you have a personal relationship, the answer is generally no. You risk insulting their intelligence or coming off as being manipulative. To be persuasive, you must argue rationally while always monitoring the emotional atmosphere. (It’s worth noting too that competitive personalities regard a show of emotion as a sign of weakness – with them, you must muster all the rational reasons you can.) Some people can be persuaded by a show of emotion, but if you look a bit deeper, they either wanted to be persuaded or agreed with you in the first place – think of the cheers at political rallies for a speech that would be greeted coldly if it was delivered to the other political party.

5. Make the other person feel right. Don’t make them feel wrong.

This point might win the prize for what gets ignored most often. Anytime you bully somebody, lord it over them, use your position of authority, or act superior, you are making that person feel wrong. We all feel wrong when we are judged against. We feel right when we are accepted, understood, appreciated, and approved of. (I’ve met at least one hugely successful executive who built his entire career on making other people feel that they were the most important person in the room.) If you make someone else feel accepted, you have established a genuine bond, at which point they will lower their defenses. If you push someone away instead by making them feel wrong, their defenses will turn twice as strong.
These five points are really just elaborations on Ben Franklin’s aphorism, but they are worth learning and testing out if you want to be successful at getting others to change their minds.

Social Networks and The Global Brain | The RABBIT HOLE with Deepak Chopra

Courtesy of YouTube/The Chopra Well

Forget the common good – it’s your own good that matters. Seek power, seize it, and hoard it. If you have to bruise egos along the way, so what? No one will care or even remember how you got to the top.

These are tips for career success from Stanford Business professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, who teaches a provocative class called “Paths to Power.” Among other things, Jeffrey warns students to avoid getting unduly slowed down by ethics, modesty or ideals. Getting to the C-Suite isn’t a journey for do-gooders, he says, and worse, an overactive conscience can be “dangerous to one’s organizational survival.”

Let me say that Jeffrey is a world-class social scientist with 13 books under his belt. But I’m counting on my 40 years as a business leader to tell me what works in the real world; and if it’s about leading an organization to success, I’d bet on my approach over his 99 times out of 100.

His perspective on the no-holds-barred pursuit of power is both seductive and toxic. It can start students on an IV-drip that gets them hooked on getting ahead, even if it means bullying, hubris and ruthlessness. Your very health is at stake, too, he writes in his book Power: Why Some People Have it and Others Don’t. Your “life depends on getting power”: the less power you have, the more stress you’ll be under, and that doesn’t end well.

Pfeffer cites many colorful personalities who have played the power game with legendary tenacity: Steve Jobs, Lyndon Johnson, Robert Moses. But these were individuals who could get away with power-mad behavior. They called their own shots, ran roughshod over former allies, and often stood alone.

Yet few who have worked with teams, or been in leadership roles in modern enterprises would recognize, much less condone, such an extreme approach to leadership. In enlightened businesses, power isn’t grabbed, it’s created and distributed. It’s not hunted down and hoarded, it’s cultivated – by building relationships and developing trust. And it’s not about “appearing competent” as Pfeffer recommends. Rather, it’s about being the best leader and team member you can.

Evolutionary biologists have a thought experiment for the relative power of selfishness versus generosity: two groups are placed on separate islands with no way to communicate. On one island, it’s everyone for himself. On the other, everyone works together to achieve broader goals. Wait a few hundred years, and you’ll find two very different societies – one in a state of constant, near-psychopathic conflict, the other successful and harmonious. As the biologists concluded, “Selfishness beats altruism within groups. Altruistic groups beat selfish groups. Everything else is commentary.”

In the same way, any business, group or team that wants to succeed for the long pull must rely on collaboration, innovation and high productivity – the fruits of sharing power, of teamwork, and of diverse points of view. Enabling people to do their best work generally means distributing power to those who earn it.

You can choose your own “path to power,” and what you do along the way. Here are a few thoughts that I would recommend for your journey:

1) First take control – of yourself. Control yourself and your own life choices, then worry about influence with others. Good self-control is the basis for a calm but confident projection of power, one that doesn’t rely on how much status you’ve “secured” in an organization.

2) The power of groups trumps that of individuals. Exploiting relationships and playing hardball politics for personal glory is a ticket to tenuous influence. True power comes from treating other people with respect with the understanding that, in return, they’ll grant (and responsibly assume) power. This is a good-faith transaction – a pact – that requires more than one person to agree to it. Watch out when Pfeffer says, Don’t worry about how your efforts to build your path to power are affecting your employer” – you won’t last long in the real world with that attitude.

3) Get noticed — but for the right reasons. Superstars do obtain power and influence. But rather than stepping into the spotlight every time something good happens, the most trusted leaders know it isn’t all about them. Their power and influence flow from sharing credit, accepting blame, working hard, being competent, and exhibiting judgment, character and wisdom. It’s impossible not to notice people who operate with that attitude. Pfeffer’s advice that your first responsibility is to ensure that those at higher levels… know what you’re accomplishing is a recipe for eventual alienation.

4) Seeking power isn’t bad — ruthlessness is. The ruthless pursuit of power violates a core principle of ethics: Kant’s Categorical Imperative. As Kant put it, “Act only on that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law.” In other words, don’t do it yourself if you don’t want everyone else to follow your example. A benighted self-interest is toxic; an enlightened one is empowering.

5) You can’t get rid of every scorpion, but you can avoid them. It’s one thing to teach young leaders that power-mad scorpions exist in the business world (they do) but it’s another to teach them to become scorpions. It is good to know how to deal with them, but even better to steer clear of dangerous situations, and leave those who would sting you to deal with their own kind.

Pfeffer’s right about one thing: there are a thousand pathways to power and influence. If you are a lone wolf seeking power by any means, you may gain influence for a while at a cost of long-run success, and happiness. Success doesn’t come from stepping on toes and hustling behind backs, but from stepping up, and having peoples’ backs. Exploiting others on a “Paths to Power” quest may get you rolling fast, but it won’t be long before you notice that you’re heading downhill – and taking your team with you.

When blogging it is very important to blog daily. What is happening when you Blog every day ? People are seeing who you are and what you stand for, your personal beliefs, and what you do.

The more you Blog the more people see, and notice you. Then you start getting views and clicks and more traffic.

Consistency and persistence is key to your own personal Blog because it builds who you are helps your character and focus.


Share with your friends, family, and community to get results on your blog. try to inspire other people using advice that you’ve experienced.

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I want to help everyone become successful just like my strong desire to better my life and wallet:)

Thanks everone YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! please comment and FOLLOW!:)

ME being inspired!